Friday, February 25, 2011

Where It All Starts

 Does she look for patches of  blue in that weeping gray?

Raindrops soak the earth, pouring out the world's unrest on a stark land. And she stands there just gazing , mesmerized by droplets of water that ripple and clasp, coil and slip on smudged window panes.

Only moments earlier I had been pinned by swirling blue- the craziness of it all- rain battering my temple and swelling in puddles, light leaping and luminous, all at once.

The perpetual admonition of nature to us is, “The world is new, untried. Do not believe the past. I give you the universe new and unhandled every hour."  ~Emerson

Life- so unpredictable, so mixed-up. I web my existence in a cocoon, spinning out days of making a home, tending souls, talking of cooking and weight loss and bringing up babies. Such a cozy place it is, a nestled in kind of living that insulates.

But I know there is a reality beyond the cocoon-  the ugliness of fighting and angry souls.  There are ills that cry out in anguish that only God can heal.

And tomorrow...tomorrow a loving husband and father emerges from our cocoon to root out the evil that lies thick in this world. I don't know where he is going, and he spends his last night home playing chess with his teenage son. I don't know when we will hear from him or what he will say or what he will have to do when he is gone. He leaves to provide for us, to keep us safe in our cocoon, waiting for his return.

Like the weather, I am confusion. There is peace. Gratitude. Love. Understanding. But there is also a hollowed out ache that plunges deep. This unknowing, this unrest-  but then...and this is the reality...

Do We ever know? Do we ever know what will happen in life? Nothing is guaranteed. Nothing. Not even my next breath.

Rain pounds and sun illuminates on this crazy, mixed-up day, and strangely it quells the surging of my heart- because all life is bitter sweet, and bittersweet is beautiful.

God manifests his grandeur in the glory of raging skies that light and dim in perfect harmony, and It IS all good.

Years ago, a friend of mine prayed the following Bible verse for me, and it was life changing. I have memorized the verse, and I repeat it to myself often:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7)

I pray for peace every day- peace in the world, peace in my family, peace in my heart. That's where it all has to start.  In our own hearts.