Friday, March 25, 2011
I woke up up this morning, sweating from a nightmare. You will probably laugh at what this "nightmare" was, but it was very symbolic to me. I have been successfully sticking to a new lifestyle, of sorts, for over two months now: waking early, watching what I eat, exercising. I have never felt more empowered about making constructive decisions in my life.I thank God that he is giving me the grace to do this!
So back to my nightmare. I dreamed I was sitting in the kitchen with a huge pan of cherry cobbler with a crisp, buttery, cinnamon-oatmeal topping. I was eating and eating and eating, thinking in my head the whole time that it was so wrong, and thinking that I would get fat, and thinking that I was right back where I had started. It really was a terrible dream.
When I woke up, I was shaken. And then, coming to my senses, I found it a bit comical. My worst nightmare now is one where I consume inordinate amounts of food. I thought about it more and realized: it's not about the food. It's not about gaining weight back or giving up on a lifestyle. It's about fear.
The fear of losing control. And in this world gone crazy and tremulous, I think fear is a natural response. When we are young, we think of fears as something concrete: fear of the dark, fear of thunder, fear of dogs, bees, water..etc.. As we get older, we realize that our deepest fears are intangible: fear of rejection, fear of pain, loss, being alone, dying, emptiness...But the mother fear, the mother of all fears is the fear of losing control.
At some level we feel at the mercy of whatever befalls. I can't imagine living my life without belief in a God who is ultimately in control of all. Maybe that's why the father in the Bible says to Jesus :
"I do believe; help my unbelief." (Mark 9:24)
Maybe before we can root out fear, we have to ask for faith. And if we go even deeper, if we want to conquer fear, we must pray to be able to love deeper:
"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love." (1John4:18)
If I want to live in freedom, and out of fear's bondage, I must love God and trust him .TRUST him. ENTRUST to him all my fears and anxieties.
"Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken."
No, We are not in control. But He is.
The Cure For Anxiety~
25“For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26“Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? 27“And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? 28“And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, 29yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. 30“But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! 31“Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ 32“For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. (Matthew 6)