All Of Me

"For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not from you; it is the gift of God; it is not from works, so one may boast. For we are his handiwork, created in Jesus Christ for the good works that God has prepared in advance, that we should live in them." (Ephesians 2:8-10)

Last night I was reading the "testimony" of a woman who was formerly part of the "quiverfull" movement. She and her former husband had seven children together, they home schooled their children, and were very 'devout' Christians. On her blog, a blog which she created to denounce her former way of life and Christianity in general, she laments the fact that "she did everything and Jesus never did anything for her."  This woman came from a severely damaged childhood, filled with sadness and dysfunction, and found her place in God, so she thought.

"What happened?," I thought to myself, as I read the bitterness and disgust in this woman's voice. How did a professed Christian come to detest that which she once thought was her Salvation? I find myself asking the same question frequently. How can someone who loves God or used to love God turn on him? How can I turn on him, every day? I know that it is sin that causes our hearts to turn against God, but what is the mechanism of sin at work?

I woke up this morning with the thought:

It's because it's all about me.

How often do I go through life, feeling I have done what God wants and NOW I DESERVE SOMETHING IN RETURN. Do bitter mothers and wives, fathers and sons, women and men, go through life doing the right thing to get returns? Is that why we should  go to church, pray, do good deeds, love one another...
God tells us:

"So should it be with you. When you have done all you have been commanded, say, 'We are unprofitable servants; we have done what we were obliged to do.' " (Luke 17:10)

We are reminded in this verse that "we can make no claim on God's graciousness; in fulfilling the exacting demands of discipleship, we are only doing our duty." (Commentary notes on the New American Bible)

So where does this leave us? How do we become rooted in God, not just living in the shallow soil of externals?

WE CAN'T HOLD BACK .

The only way to become whole is to give God ALL the pieces of our brokenness. There is nothing we can hold back from God.

The parable of the Prodigal Son, in Luke Chapter fifteen, demonstrates not only the generous nature of God, but also describes the disposition needed to give our whole selves to God. The son who had remained "faithful" to the father in the parable is bitter. He does not understand how the father can lovingly receive the wayward son:

"Look ," he says, " All these years I served you and not once did I disobey your orders; yet you never gave me even a young goat to feast on with my friends..." (Luke 15:29)

May I venture to say that the son speaking had not given his whole self to God?  He was being faithful out of obligation, not out of love for the father. He felt DESERVING, ENTITLED. Whereas the prodigal son gave the father his whole heart. He repented, cleansing himself of all SELF.

"Father I have sinned against heaven and against you; I no longer deserve to be called your son."

(Luke 15:21)

Finding happiness in God can only come through repentance. We come to Him as fractured souls, needing the CAST OF GRACE. We stand before him as little children, holding nothing back. All that I am not, all that I am,

ALL OF ME.

A Window Into Rosemary's World

Mary Margaret is making a book!

Hopefully tomorrow evening I willl find the time for a full length post. Until then, I urge you to hop on over to this super neat blog I discovered while looking for a craft how-to.

You Are That One

"In the tender compassion of our God the dawn from on high shall break upon us, to shine on those who dwell in darkness and the shadow of death, and to guide our feet into the way of peace." (Luke 1: 78-79)

This is the beautiful thought I woke up to this morning. I am so thankful for this newly carved out time.

This evening, I decluttered my "prayer corner." We have a little room off to the side of the dining room we call the "playroom," but we mostly read and sit in this room. I have decided it is a good room for morning prayer. I like the view out the little windows. This is what I see when I am sitting in my rocking chair. It is the most comfy rocker, 1.00 (yes, one dollar) at the local thrift store. I covered it with a cozy afghan, and I'm good to go!

I am so pleased with the Christmas gift from my parents: another year's subscription to Magnificat- the cornerstone to my prayer time.

There is so much I gleaned from spending time with God this morning. I read each reading slowly and thoughtfully. I was struck by the last line in today's Gospel:

"They (the disciples) had not understood the incident of the loaves. On the contrary, their hearts were hardened."  (Mark 6:51)

I was astonished; I don't recall hearing this line , but I have read it and heard it many times before. Today, the truth of the Gospel sank in. Jesus has just performed the astounding miracle of the loaves and fishes, yet it isn't enough for his disciples. Their hearts are still HARDENED. Here are Jesus' chosen followers, living the miracle, and they can't see it.

THEY ARE SPIRITUALLY BLIND.

Jesus is trying to reveal to his followers God's mercy, God's truths, but because their hearts are hard, they can't accept the truth.

I point my finger, I shame those pitiful disciples, and God gently whispers to another hardened heart,

"You are that one. You are that disciple. I have chosen you. I have called you by name. Do you know me? Or is your heart cold, rock, and solid?"

What is the Lord trying to reveal to *my* hardened heart? And my children. Why do I get so impatient with them, when it is only through the generous Mercy and compassion of a loving father that I can praise Him and do any good?

I remembered that in Psalm 95:7-8 we are told "Today if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts." The first step in doing God's will then, is listening- listening and waiting for God's truth to be revealed.  I need to "be still and know that (he) is God," (psalm 46:10)  before I can truly follow Him.

The dining room window in the evening

This sweet note greeted me when I came up from raking hay with Sam and Tommy.

Do I Dare?

I have had several New Year's resolutions brewing in my head for several days now. I planned to write all about my resolutions on the blog, but I have hesitated. I know my personality. I'm a diver, a plunger, an enthusiast, an optimist. But I'm not a good follow-througher.

I was upstairs in my room tonight, working on a plan for my days. It is no small thing to have nine children awaiting my direction. After successfully scheduling all of our activities for the day: reading aloud, prayer times, meals, lessons, exercise, etc... I realized I had not scheduled any personal prayer time with God. Sighhhhhh.

I know what I need to do. My neighbor and I were discussing life the other day, and she said, "Sometimes I just think in the morning, 'there is no way I can get out of bed when it's dark today.'  But I make myself do it, and it's fine."

MAKE MYSELF DO IT.

A light bulb went off in my head. My new resolution is not to "wake up early." My new resolve is to "Make myself do it." Will power. Self Control. Prayer. Discipline.

I am going out on a limb here...do I dare? With trepidation I ask all of you, dear readers, to help me be accountable. My plan is to wake up each morning at 6:15 to greet the day and spend time in prayer. I humbly ask you to encourage me on my morning journey.

I'll let you know how it goes!!

You Have To Give It Up

I have had ideas swirling in my head all day of the thoughtful post I had wanted to write tonight, but alas, the thoughts have become more like tornadoes, amassing confusion and strength as they pulse through my brain. Yes, my thoughts pound their fists against the walls of my mind, but they seem trapped tonight. Trapped by life : meals, messes, Algebra, phone calls, piano lessons, broken-down cars, bickering, laughter, and little children wanting Mommy...so we can say goodnight...a long goodnight.

A goodnight with candles and prayers and lots of stories, not books, but stories "about you when you were little, Mommy!"  I am warmed by tender faces and gingerly I embrace the night; I'm not fighting, thinking of what needs to be done and what hasn't been done, and WHAT I WANT TO DO as soon as their eyes will just CLOSE! In a flood, all the thoughts are stilled, and I realize...I am always talking about wanting to LIVE IN THE MOMENT.

Do I? The moment is that which we are doing RIGHT NOW. Am I beating a dead horse, because I'm just talking about what I need to do, and I'm not really doing it? Is it possible that "living in the moment" is sometimes a starched, awkward, restless feeling...like being strapped in a straight jacket?

Perhaps it is difficult to live in the moment, because the moments we LIVE in are usually lived for others. Giving, stretching, waiting, serving, listening, BEING for others, when what I crave is MY OWN MOMENT. I can't live in the moment, because I WANT IT FOR MYSELF. And when I am looking to grasp the moments and pull them to self, I am dissatisfied.

I am not saying that is is wrong to have time for ourselves. Of course, we need quiet times to reflect and refresh our souls. Even Jesus sought a quiet place to be with the Lord. It's just that it's all too easy to think of time in terms of being OUR OWN. All of our time, no matter how it is spent belongs to God. So the first step in living in the present is GIVING TIME BACK TO GOD... GIVING IT UP.
Peace comes from being a shelter to others, embracing that which God entrusts to us at any given moment.

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Emily decided that Sam needed a little "corner" of his own. So she did this for him:

Oliver and Sam bought some Nerf guns with some Christmas money they received:

Isn't it amazing how siblings will bicker and squabble when given toys and playtime , but cleaning a kitchen
together forges their friendship? John Paul and Emily look like they're fighting, but they are acting as English gentlemen. You should hear their accents!

Slumber party in Mom and Dad's room:

Will and Samantha: